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| Life smacking a pharaoh in the face |
There’s plenty here…it’s just a different kind of plenty. Sometimes what I want is nowhere to be found, and the many things I could care less about are everywhere. What I find in place of what I want looks, smells, feels and tastes different. All my senses are in disarray.
It’s not all bad, just different. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is excruciatingly bad (dinner on the deluxe sleeper train to Luxor comes to mind) and on delightful occasion its better -- like the fava bean falafels, called tomaya, in the Khan al Khalili. Mostly its just different and putting me into a little existential crisis. I looked it up and I think that’s what I’m having.
I am talking about everything from work culture to air-dried bath towels, breathing air that chokes, lack of grass and a quiet place to walk, bargaining for everything from pyramid paperweights to taxi rides; making my toast in a fry pan and seeing sad animals I can’t touch. Nothing is as it appears to be on first glance and wherever I go is a crooked line and takes longer to navigate and I run out of patience from trying to jam the square peg that is me into the round hole that is Egypt. Most of all not understanding what most people are saying most of the time because I am like most Americans and I mostly only speak English. So I am wondering …when all the things that make me... me… are different – am I still the same old me?
Being here alone I have time for such self-absorbed musings. But I could sure go for a chili cheese burrito from Taco Bell and a good glass of wine in a bouncy chair in my back yard on Newsom Street holding my husband’s hand, a dog’s soft ear in the other and a daughter on my lap.
Soon enough I suppose.
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| Carving at Luxor Temple |
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| Cat of the day |
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| Street mosaic |
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| Wadi Degla - where we hike/walk/run on weekends |
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| Budgie market in Maadi |
All I can say is 'sending you a big hug' - you are one of the strongest, smartest, adventurous, brave, and most beautiful person I know. You may be a square peg and Egypt a 'triangle', which just means you are bigger in spirit than that country can handle. :) Wishing you a different, but better, day tomorrow and time that flies until Paul and Ruby arrive. Miss you my friend! Bobo
ReplyDeleteThought I'd pop in to wish you Merry Christmas. Not that I imagine this day in Cairo being particularly merrier than most others, but still. I hope you're treating yourself well today with some mouth-watering Katie food and skype time with your family while they pack.
ReplyDeleteYou haven't asked for my opinion but in true Jen form, I'm giving it anyway. IMO, it would not be cowardice -- at all! -- to acknowledge that this Cairo adventure is not the kind of "different" you enjoy. Give yourself permission to change your mind; to choose to leave or to do something else. (Or perhaps once you're free from the mental commitment, it would be easier to relax into the different-ness after all.)
Hugs,
Jen
Katie-
ReplyDeleteHolding you (and Paul and Ruby as they make their way closer to you) in love and light. What are the "things" that make you...you? If it is love, compassion, wonderful sense of humor, courage, deep thinker, witty, than yes, it is still you. And on the other hand, are you not an evolving you? I believe by day 340 your "squareness" will have the edges sanded, slowly over time, where you'll be able to see your peg coming closer to fitting in Egypt's round hole.
I ponder how time consuming bargaining over everything would be, and yet, to spend that time with another is greatly lacking in our society. Sometimes at the grocery store, bank, etc the person doesn't really see us. There can be a playfulness to bartering. Now I am rambling. Prayers of healing, light, strength, connections, and safe arrival of your beloved husband and daughter.
Connie
Thanks for all the support and encouragement guys! Getting used to Cairo is definitely an evolving process - some days wonderful - some days I dream of a commune in Italy stomping grapes. But don't we all!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right Connie - we go about our everyday lives invisible to most people and them invisible to us. You have reminded me to open up. Katie